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"Are you a Coward?"
FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD
In the course of development as martial artists, we will pass through
many stages of growth. Our lives in general are very similar to our
maturing in martial arts. We all go through many changes in our martial
arts development between novice and instructor levels. Similarly, we all
go through many changes from the time we are young children until we
reach adulthood. Even after reaching physical maturity, it is hopeful
that we will all aspire to higher levels of character and virtue
throughout our lives. This is the higher goal in martial arts. It is
significantly more important than the fighting.
GROWING UP
Some people actively pursue becoming better people. Others never learn
from their mistakes and are therefore doomed to repeat them. Which group
do you fall under? The martial arts need to be utilized as more than a
means of fighting to realize their full benefit. They should be utilized
to enhance the overall quality ones life. Let's say that you have
trained diligently for years. One day, you are attacked on the street.
You fight like a champ, trashing your attackers. In those few critical
seconds or minutes your training has saved your life. All of the years
of training, sweat and practice would certainly have proven worth the
effort in this situation, but is that all we train and study for. Isn't
it a waste of all the potential benefit of the martial arts if we can't
use this great knowledge to make our lives and the lives of those around
us better in all respects.
STAGES
At one time or another every student is going to hear his or her
instructor speak about the need for courage. What I rarely hear is an
instructor defining courage for his or her students in an
all-encompassing way. In order to have or display courage we first must
define what it is. At different times in our lives, courage may take on
totally different meaning for us. One thing for sure... it means more
than merely standing up to the neighborhood bully.
Young children watch the "Power Rangers" or "Batman" and associate their
actions with bravery and courage. At that young stage of maturity, if
you are willing to run into a burning building to rescue a helpless
alien, no doubt about it, you have courage.
As a teenager, you may perceive the toughest guy on the football squad
to have courage, or the person who is not afraid to take on the baddest
dude in the school. You may be considered to have courage if you are
always willing to take on a dare, skip school or badmouth your teacher.
These are all juvenile and superficial interpretations of courage.
As an adult you may feel a sense of courage by going skydiving or by
fighting in that full contact, no holds bared tournament. Again, this is
a superficial type of courage. Don't get me wrong. I think that
skydiving (for those who don't mind jumping from a perfectly good
working aircraft), and fighting in contact tournaments is great. My
students and I do a great deal of full contact fighting. Any
constructive activity that you enjoy is a positive thing. The key to
whether something represents courage or not, and whether it is a
positive and constructive activity, lays in your motivation for doing
so.
COVERING UP INSECURITIES
Acts of courage do not of themselves make a courageous person. Often
times the person who has to be the toughest guy in town, or who is
always the first to take on a dangerous dare, is in fact the most
insecure. He or she constantly tries to prove to themselves and to
others that he or she is not a coward. I sometimes might have even been
in this category. Often, the person who places a disproportionate value
on winning that match or doing the most death defying dare has a core of
insecurity. Their life is a constant battle in which they attempt to
prove to themselves and others that they are not cowards.
BRAGGERS
Some people never learn. Even as adults (physically in any event), their
primary concern is convincing others that they are the toughest or the
smartest. Through convincing others, they hope to convince themselves.
There are always that insecure few that insist that they have all of the
answers and that everyone else is either incompetent or incorrect. You
don't have to look far to find this insecure behavior in the martial
arts community. You would think and hope that martial arts would be the
last place that you would find this behavior, but unfortunately, it is
frequently found. Ultimately, however, people like this are usually
viewed as troublemakers in the end. As well the ones that make claims
about being the toughest guy in town, eventually come across someone who
cleans their clock.
Those who constantly put others down do so out of an internal insecurity
too. A person of true courage is too busy creating and building to take
time out to be critical of others. A person of courage is content to be
judged by his or her accomplishments. He or she does not attempt to
condemn and judge others. An insecure, paranoid, and basically scared
person will attempt to belittle others in an attempt to make themselves
look bigger (If they are lower, I will look higher, mentality). They
will always attack others in anticipation that they will soon be
attacked. In actuality, this behavior will only serve to show such a
person as the petty and paranoid individual they are.
In projecting the overall outcome of your life ask this... Is who you
can beat up, or who you can belittle going to help anyone, or uplift the
quality of your own life? I don't think so. Negativity breads
negativity. Positive acts result in growth.
WHAT IS COURAGE?
In youth, we tend to equate courage with daring and/or with violence and
aggression. Some people grow up and pass through that stage. Others do
not. They remain juvenile delinquents throughout their lives. They are
consumed by the need to prove that they have worth through besting
others. This is because they simply don't feel, inside, that they have
any value.
None of us are perfect. All of us have things in our past that we are
proud of and things that we are not so proud of. I certainly have things
in my past that I would have handled differently given the opportunity
to do them over... Don't you? The truth is that we cannot go back in
time and do them over. But we can start each day by trying to be the
best person that we can, in all that we do. We can each be a glowing
example of, and demonstrate the honor and integrity often talked about
but sometimes not evident in martial arts. I'm not talking about besting
others. I'm talking about using each problem we encounter in our daily
lives as a challenge to do better. I'm talking about using each
challenge as an opportunity to develop our personal level of character
and integrity. This is where true courage is shown.
Our goal should not be to convince others about how great we have been
or how great we are now. We all have things of which we are proud. All
of us, at times in our lives, have fallen far short of perfection. Being
perfect is something none of us will achieve. Our goal should be to
aspire towards perfection of character. The martial arts can be a great
tool for this if not tainted by ego, selfish goals or self righteous
pride.
True courage surfaces when you abandon the easy road and brave the more
difficult path, when you know it is the honorable way to go. It surfaces
when you are more interested in helping others than in having them think
that you are a big-shot. It shows when you are able to do the right
thing, even if your peers think you are a coward for it, or when there
may be a cost to you for doing the right thing. It is easy to do the
right thing when there is no risk. What separates the men from the boys
(and ladies from the girls) is when you do the right thing despite the
risk.
It takes much more courage to brave the ridicule of your friends and
acquaintances than it does to fight the local bully. It is far better to
look like a mouse to others and feel like a full grown lion inside, than
to look like a lion to others and feel like a little mouse inside. Our
pride is often more fragile than our flesh. It takes greater courage and
character to help others along than it does to point out what another
person is doing wrong. It takes greater courage to accept your faults
and try to do better next time than it does to deny your shortcomings
and blame someone else for your problems.
A person of true courage doesn't where it like a neon sign. It is seen
in his or her compassion and understanding. It is seen in a willingness
to help others. It is evident in a persons ability to make decisions
that show character rather than those that are easy or expedient.
Courage resides subtly in those that aspire to higher levels of
consciousness and understanding rather than in those with a quest for
glory.
Gaining courage is not something that happens in a day, a week, or a
year. It is an ongoing process throughout our lives. It is found not by
looking for it, but instead through a constant effort to learn from the
philosophy(s) of our martial arts, by a willingness to admit our
mistakes and shortcomings, and by using adversity as a way to "exercise"
our character. It is no different than how we use diet and exercise to
enrich our bodies. The ability to show kindness, a willingness to be
tolerant of those who disagree with you, and the ability to ignore those
who try to insult you and distract you from your goals, takes far more
courage than punching someone in the mouth.
GENTLE CONFIDENCE
Most of us, during our lifetime, have placed our values in areas that
are less than what we should expect from ourselves. I am not pointing a
finger at anyone. I am no different than you. There were times when
being a great fighter was more important than being a helpful teacher.
When being right was more important than facilitating growth. It is
human to error. It is a shame not to learn from our errors.
You can use the great power of our martial arts philosophy(s) to grow
and develop through these many stages of consciousness if you chose to
do so. It is all a matter of having the "courage" to take the right
path. You can aspire to higher levels of awareness. You will then be
abler to say, "I am happier with myself today and for tomorrow than I
was yesterday".
Even if you are the best fighter in the galaxy, you will be forgotten
when the day comes that you are defeated, or someone else replaces you.
If you are viewed as a contributor, builder, and as a good person you
will always have the support of others. This support contains far
greater power than your fists. A person of true courage chooses his
battles wisely and for the right reasons. It is never from ego, anger,
fear, or pride. To gain anything, something positive must result from
your actions. Hurting, or belittling others for anything other than your
safety or the safety of another is not courage, it is cowardice and
insecurity. As Teddy Roosevelt said..." Speak softly and carry a big
stick". Notice, he did not say beat them with a big stick. Powerful
martial arts skills are your big stick. Having the powers acquired
through martial arts training is only a small part of the battle though.
Using those powers responsibly takes far greater courage.
Aspire to be a representative of the martial arts that will bring honor
to the arts . Petty fighting, one-ups-men-ship, or trying to support
your art by belittling the arts of others shows cowardice and
insecurity, regardless of your fighting prowess. When you are tempted to
say "Our art has "X" and theirs doesn't", or "our art is better than
theirs because etc. etc.", stop and think about your statement before
your mouth makes you look foolish. Remember the old saying "It is better
to be quiet and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all
doubt". Why not just say... "Our art has 'X'. Let me show you how that
might benefit you.", or "There are many good arts. I feel that the one I
study is best for me. Maybe this approach will work for you too."
In doing this, you show character, security, intelligence and courage.
You will bring honor the your art and the martial arts in general. You
will show that you have overcome insecurities and fears. You will show
that you are a person of both character and courage.
Sincerely,
Mr. Maurice A. Gomez Sr.
American Kenpo Karate 2nd Degree Black Belt
USA- Head Instructor
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